Drinking a Cup of Kindness Yet for the Sake of Auld Lang Syne
A greatest hits edition for our year-end issue
Happy New Year!
Well, not quite yet, but hey I wrote most of this edition back in October. Yeah, look at me planning ahead.
It’s the week following Christmas, which means that I’m off from work1 and mailing it in on all fronts — parenting, spousing, cooking and Dirt Napping. On the latter, I want to keep up the momentum we’ve created here and not skip a week, but didn’t necessarily want to create new content2. So, here we are with our first greatest hits edition.
If you’ve been with us all year, thank you and take the time to reread some of these. If you’re new, these provide a good sample of the community I’m trying to build here.
The rapid growth of this thing was a little startling for my introverted brain. As I’ve written about, Dirt Nap was the result of my father-in-law’s death in June. His passing was the first of a close relative since becoming a parent, and also reawakened a lot of questions and thoughts about death that I’ve had in my head. It turns out that they are questions and topics that remain unresolved for many of you too. There’s strength in numbers.
Below are links to our five best performing posts since starting Dirt Nap.
Griever’s Digest Vol. 3
And I distinctly remember thinking that I could not imagine I would ever again in my lifetime experience such a level of pain. Watching my kids grieve and not being able to fix it, dealing with my grief, and just imagining a life that was now so new and not what I had planned. How could anything ever feel worse than that?"
Griever’s Digest Vol. 1
Earlier this summer, my dad bought a new car, replacing the one he and my mom had for 10 years. I helped him clean the old car out, and we found a bag in the center console that had all of the VIP gameplay cards my mom had accumulated from Western New York area casinos (she loved responsibly playing the slots). Something that might have been sad a few years ago was kinda funny now. We’re thinking about a tribute trip to the casino in her honor.
When the Lights Go Out for Good
It’s a finite line between life and death, though not binary. We know you can be brain dead but the body still performs its involuntary functions. As long as you receive nourishment, hydration and some level of personal care, you can probably exist in that state for a while. But, what exactly what happens when you die?
Griever’s Digest Vol. 2
I was mad at God for allowing this to happen. He was taken to the operating room to stabilize his neck, but had a stroke while on the operating table and was placed on life support. I obviously cried and prayed hard to God that he would survive and see his daughter born. I was nauseous to the point of gagging at any given moment but did not vomit. The gag came from deep within me knowing I was losing him.
Go Jingle Yourself: The First Holidays After a Loved One Dies
It was just the four of us and it was fucking depressing. No one talked. The only noise was silverware clanking against the plates and bowls. My aunt didn’t decorate for the holiday, and my sister and I were at the stage of cash gifting (she was 16, I was 20), so there weren’t any wrapped presents around. In retrospect, the only gift I may have asked for would have been a meteor to strike my aunt’s dining room and put us all out of our individual and collective miseries.
Honorable Mention because this is my newsletter and I make the rules: Teenage Suicide (Don’t Do It)
The next day, I went to Jason’s house, which was down the street from Kevin’s. I hung out with him and his little sister before some of Jason’s other friends came over. We spent the afternoon as 16- and 17-year-olds did then; beating the shit out of each other playing tackle football. At some point, we took a break and visited Kevin’s parents as a group. It was my first Shiva. Kevin’s father is/was a prominent physician in town, so it wasn’t particularly surprising to see the head coach of Syracuse University’s football team and some of his assistants there to pay their respects. We offered as much sympathy as teenage boys were capable and took Kevin’s brothers back across the street with us for more football and the impending arrival of pizza.
Thank you all for hopping on this journey with me. It’s certainly not over. The coming year will bring discussions on helping children deal with grief and dying, more about suicide among our children, and more Griever’s Digests. Our next issue is a two-parter about how men grieve and the parallel mental health concerns.
Enjoy your New Year’s festivities.
Dirt Nap is the Substack newsletter about death, grief and dying that is written and edited by Jared Paventi. It’s published every Friday morning. Dirt Nap is free and we simply ask that you subscribe and/or share with others.
We are always looking for contributors and story ideas. Drop us a line by replying to this email.
I’m all over social media if you want to chat. Find me on Facebook, Twitter/X and Bluesky. I’m on Threads and Instagram at @jaredpaventi. You can try messaging me on LinkedIn, but I don’t check my messages regularly.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat live at 988lifeline.org. For additional mental health resources, visit our list.
Unless we had another massive snowstorm like we did last winter, in which case I’m probably in my home office chugging coffee and waiting for some bit of communication to be approved.
My laziness knows no bounds.