What is Dirt Nap?
A cathartic release.
A close friend recently pointed out that I once wrote 400 words about a beach ball. I have a lot of words in my head and it’s time to start letting them loose. I also have a lot of thoughts about death and dying, simply because it’s been so present in my life. So, this is the space where I’m getting those words out.
Dirt Nap is inspired by The Small Bow, A.J. Daulerio’s Substack about addiction. I’ve been reading The Small Bow for a couple of years and, though I am not living with an addiction, A.J.’s journey is required reading. (You’ll remember him as the former editor of Gawker and Deadspin. He has chronicled his ups and downs in sobriety, the road to getting sober, and the shrapnel he has taken along the way. More importantly, he has built a community around the topic. I’m proud to say that I’m a donor to his project.)
Dirt Nap was triggered by the death of my father-in-law in June 2023. We had a long streak in our family without anyone dying; his passing brought back some memories, rekindled some thoughts, and presented new challenges as we confronted death as parents for the first time.
So, why Dirt Nap?
Dirt nap is slang for dead and buried and has its origins in mob movies. “Where’s Tony? He’s taking a dirt nap.”
The Concise New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English puts its origin as 1981, which sounds about right. An undignified term from an undignified age. But, it’s short and to the point, and what we’re going to call this collection of fractured thoughts, essays, interviews and other offerings about the topic of dying.
Who are you?
No one, really. I’m Jared Paventi, a middle-aged married man with children that lives in suburban Syracuse, N.Y. I’m not a mental health professional or expert on any of these topics. I’m a husband, a father, a public relations practitioner, and a freelance food writer. I have two college degrees in communications because I’m a little bit of a masochist, though one of them was free.
But, I’ve been dealing with death since I was in elementary school, and thinking and reading about it for much of that time.
Seriously though, what’s your problem with religion?
On its face, religion helps people cope with trying times and provides them comfort. It’s an explanation for the unexplainable. That’s fine. Have all the religion you want. I’ll be over here.
I’m a third-generation Italian-American that was raised in the Roman Catholic church. My mother’s family was very Catholic. My father’s family is very Pentecostal, though my father is not. I was an alter server, was confirmed, and went to a Catholic college run by Franciscan friars. I was a believer for much of my life, but I reached some personal breaking points with organized religion — the extremism, the supposed infallibility of very fallible people, the corruption and hypocrisy, the grasping on to an ancient way of life in a very modern time, the intrusion into my life… Anyhow, I’ve walked away. I believe in the humanistic tenets of what I was taught — serving others, being kind, helping the less fortunate — but not in the magical being the sky.
A disclaimer
This newsletter is not intended to replace genuine mental health care from a professional. If you have experienced death in your world, go talk to someone. Preferably a mental health professional, but start with a spouse or friend or someone capable of coherent thought. Learn from my mistake…you can’t handle it on your own.
It’s free
I don’t intend to charge for Dirt Nap, unless I start hitting Heather Cox Richardson numbers. Then, I’m cashing in. Until then, I’ll publish on Friday mornings. Subscribe to get full access to the newsletter and website. Never miss an update.
